Non-perishable vs. Perishable

Today we picked up a barrel of donated food from a local grocery store, and someone had donated frozen orange juice concentrate. By the time we picked up the barrel, the containers had burst and the juice was fermenting! This is not the first time perishable items have been donated in a Harvesters barrel. We've received tomatoes, lettuce, and milk as well. If you want to donate perishable items, just bring them to our warehouse. Do not put them in barrels at local grocery stores. Harvesters' most-needed items: Canned vegetables Canned fruit Boxed meals Canned meat/tuna Peanut butter Canned soup Soap Deodorant Shampoo Toilet Paper

Christmas!

Michael and I spent Christmas together. It was a white Christmas (the first I've had in a long, long time) and it was great! We snuggled up in my house (soon to be our house) with Max and Bucky and opened gifts and drank eggnog and homemade beer and wine. We ate hot potato soup, cheeses, olives, and Chinese food. :) It was such a great time to spend the holiday with the love of my life. And now I'm at the coffeehouse and no one is here!! Sometimes it's nice to take a break from the world for a while. Merry Christmas!

Free Improv Show Tonight!

A Very Holy Cow! Christmas When: December 2, 2009, 8 p.m. Where: Mabee Theater, Rockhurst University What: An IMPROV Show Admission: FREEEEEE

I am thankful for...

• Michael Ptacek - my love. my rock. my one and only.
• Holy Cow! - has come so far and is exceeding my expectations. time to raise the bar!
• Harvesters/AmeriCorps - changing my job has completely changed my life. What a great organization!
• Westport Coffeehouse - part time work that helps me pay the bills and meet fun people
• My family - can't live without weekly phone calls from my sister and visits from mom and dad.
• My friends - a second family
• Max - so loyal, so fun, such a good dog, even though he has eaten all of my shoes
• Bucky - good kitty, loves to cuddle, never thought I'd like cats
• Kansas City - a great place to live
• School - it's good to be back
• Popcards - finally my poetry is worth something ;)

My First Days as an AmeriCorps Member

I officially started working at Harvesters as a Food Drive Specialist on Monday. I guess I should give some backstory here... I graduated with a degree in English from a fancy, private University in Kansas City in 2007. I took an internship at a publishing company in KC from May 2007-December 2007 with high hopes of being offered a staff position at the completion of the internship. Since I was working for free, I decided to take on a part-time job as a bank teller to help pay the bills while I interned. I hated being a teller, but I dealt with it. I got health insurance and a steady paycheck, and I was able to pursue my personal hobbies and interests while working there. I also had it in my head that it was a "short-term thing". Needless to say, my internship ended and I was not offered a position at the publishing company. Not that I wasn't qualified - but "in this economy..." So I continued working as a bank teller as I had no other prospect for income. I even took on a second job for a few months as a hostess at an upscale steakhouse on the Plaza. I didn't care for that much, either. When an opportunity to go full time at the bank was presented, I took it. It was an office job in the operations line of business, and I hated being a teller so much that I thought nothing could be worse. I was wrong. I stuck it out for a year and 4 months working in a cubicle farm. Then I decided it was time for a change. I started taking classes at that fancy University again --- this time to get a nonprofit leadership certification through American Humanics. Then I applied for AmeriCorps and was offered a position at Harvesters, Kansas City's only food bank. While the pay is less, the benefits are much better! I know that the work I do directly impacts my local community. I've met amazing people in just four days! Day 1, October 19 My shift started at 8:30am. I took a tour of the building and spent two hours in the Volunteer Outreach Center sorting canned food brought in from local food drives. I took a lunch and met with my immediate supervisor to go over the basics of working for Harvesters - time off policies, calendars, paperwork, and so on. I spent the last few hours reading over Harvesters materials. My shift ended at 4:30 and I went home. Day 2, October 20 I spent the morning working the shopping floor of the warehouse. Agencies who order food for their organizations (food pantries, churches, shelters, daycare centers, etc) also have the opportunity to "shop" for produce and perishable food items that can't be stored in the warehouse. I spent the afternoon shadowing the other Food Drive Specialist - learning more about the details of my day-to-day job. Day 3, October 21 I arrived at work at 6:30am and spent the day riding around in a refrigerated truck with Mike, one of our drivers. We picked up unused but edible prepared food from casinos, Pizza Huts, Olive Garden, Taco Bell, and Capital Grille and delivered it to the Salvation Army, a battered women's shelter, a church, and a home for the developmentally disabled. I experienced Harvesters' "Food Rescue Program" firsthand. Day 4, October 22 I spent the morning shadowing Mary (the other Food Drive Specialist). All the AmeriCorps members ate lunch together and we spent the afternoon working on a service project at the Kansas City Center for Urban Agriculture where we helped harvest tomatoes, prepared the area for winter planting, and hauled lots of hay in the rain! It was awesome. I absolutely love my job and I could not be happier with the choice I made to leave corporate America and go out and make a difference. Turns out, I was just in the wrong kind of banking. ;)

Onward and Upward

I applied for AmeriCorps, specifically to work at Harvesters. I interviewed to be a "Food Drive Specialist" on Wednesday, and I just received an offer for the position today! I, of course, accepted. October 16 will be my last day at Bank of America and October 19 will be the first day of my new job! I am so excited to begin this new chapter in my life and my career! Woohoo!

The Times They Are A-Changin'

I'm trying to get better. I am the WORST at going to see other improv troupes perform around KC. My free time is my ME time and it's very hard for me to get up out of my PJs and DO SOMETHING because my life is jam-packed! But last night, I saw Spite and Loaded Dice perform at the Westport Coffeehouse Theater and it was extremely enjoyable. In my opinion, when you want to be good at something, you have to study it. You have to practice it. And you have to SEE it. People who want to become good writers should read good books. People who want to become good playwrights should watch good plays. People who want to become good musicians should listen to good musicians. And people who want to become good improvisers should watch good improvisers. I saw some great stuff last night. Congrats to both groups for putting on an excellent performance! Looking forward to seeing more good improv in the future!

AmeriCorps

I applied to join AmeriCorps.

IMPROV!

Holy Cow! is doing a performance for Ronald McDonald House tomorrow night and I'm not going to be there. Working two jobs and going to school means I have to make sacrifices, but I have a great group of players that can handle the shows without me there. Lately, I've been feeling in an improv RUT. Whatever writer's block is for improv - I've got it! I've started to play more this year instead of be in the "director/teacher" role and I've just been falling flat on my face. I don't know what my problem is, but hopefully I can get out of it and start contributing instead of holding us back. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Product Review: Shatto Root Beer Milk

IT'S DELICIOUS. If you like root beer floats, you will like this milk. What a treat! I highly recommend it. BUY SOME NOW.

...and another thing

I just keep loading up my plate! School starts in a week. Our second month doing popcards at First Fridays was successful. We made it into Ink Magazine and I'm feeling really good about this project. It took us about 6 months to get it off the ground and hammer out all the details. People seem to be interested in what we're doing - so we're going to keep doing it. Plus, it makes me happy. BareTV was also successful! It's nice to work with other improvisers outside of Holy Cow. I'm excited to keep working on this project with Jared and Ed and everyone else. Holy Cow! has two gigs this week. Tonight we are at AMC Mainstreet for an opening party for a movie and on Thursday night we'll be at the I-70 Drive-In. Pretty exciting stuff. We're looking for venues to perform in and other groups to perform with for the upcoming (school) year. We submitted an application to be a part of the Fringe Fall Shorts on October 10th. http://www.holycowimprov.com/ I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies last night and Michael and I ate way too many of them. Stomach ache! <3

Uuuuuuuuupdate

Lots of things have happened. My friend Christian and I do an art project called "popcards". Basically, I write short poems (3-4 lines) and he illustrates them on postcard-sized paper. And we sell them for $5 at First Fridays in Kansas City. We debuted on July 3, 2009 and we were much more successful than we ever expected! It totally rocked. We also do "improvised popcards" where you, the customer, tell me what to write the poem about and then thirty minutes later you have a customized popcard made just for you! In July we did poems about an all women's art group, a man's Irish mother, the drink brandy and the state of Michigan, a girl named Izzy, forgiveness, a brother and sister, Michael Jackson, an accordion player, and a newly-engaged couple. It was super fun! We will be back at First Fridays on August 7th at the corner of 18th and Baltimore. Pre-made popcards are $5. Customized popcards are $10. Hugs and smiles are free. I spent a week in the Fairfax, VA/Washington DC area visiting my sister, her fiance, and their daughter. I toured the US Capitol and the White House. I saw the back of President Obama's head as he got onto a helicopter. It was sweet. My sister is getting married in May and I am her maid of honor. We picked out the bridesmaid dresses while I was visiting and they are absolutely adorable. My sister has good taste. And now that I am back in the midwest, we are smack in the middle of Fringe Fest! kcfringe.org Holy Cow! (my improv troupe) has had shows every night this week and that will continue through Sunday. So far, so good! We've had very receptive audiences and most importantly, everyone is having a really great time. Our remaining shows are: Tonight (Friday, July 24) at 6:30pm Saturday, July 25 at 9:30pm Sunday, July 26 at 4:00pm All our performances are on the main stage at the Unicorn Theater in Kansas City. 3828 Main Street. Tickets are $5 but you also must have a festival button. You can purchase both a ticket ($5) and a button ($5) at the Unicorn box office. Unfortunately, I did not get the job at KCPTV. The guy told me I had a great interview and lots of "spunk" but they were going with an applicant who had "more direct grant writing experience." Ah well, you can't win 'em all. I got my financial aid package so I can go back to school in the fall! I will be receiving my non-profit American Humanics certification from Rockhurst. I'm thrilled! I will then have actual grant-writing experience and the education to back me up so I can move into the non-profit world. Woo-hoo! This summer has been amazing. I can't believe July is almost over.

I Shaved My Golden Retriever

The vet is the one who gave me the idea. I guess we should begin at the beginning. A few weeks ago, Kate and I took Buster and Max to the forest to run around. Max got approximately ONE BILLION burrs stuck in his fur. I was forced to cut them out with scissors. It was unpleasant. I decided to take Max to the vet after all. Since getting this second job I'm not as dreadfully poor as I was before, so I could actually afford my little pup some quality healthcare. (HA! "Little pup" - I am living a dream. He's ENORMOUS.) The vet noticed my amateur hair cutting skills and suggested kindly that, if at any point during the summer I decided I was sick and tired of vacuuming up all that fur and sweeping my floors every day, I should consider getting Max a "summer cut" from a groomer. Being the adventurous person that I am, I just went to PetSmart and bought the clippers myself. And then I shaved my dog. Frankly, I was expecting it to be worse. He actually looks all right, and he's not too embarrassed. Shave a dog? Cross that one off my list. Done and done. <3

You Were On My Mind At Least 9/10ths of Yesterday

"it seemed as if perhaps I'd gone insane. What is it about you that has commandeered my brain? Maybe it's your awesome songs or maybe it's the way when I look at your face I can tell that you're not going to be stopping soon or even slowing down." --my rollercoaster, kimya dawson The last two weeks have been incredible. It feels like a dream. Perhaps that's because I'm running on basically no sleep. My energy has come from natural endorphines, coffee, and "Women's Ultramega" daily vitamins from GNC that my sister gave me two years ago. I applied for a writing job with KCPTV. Improv is going fantastic. I'm not freaking out about finances. Max is healthy. My house is clean. and the Beatles said it best... falling, yes I am falling, and he keeps calling me back again.

Something Tells Me I'm Into Something Good

"A nice boy from the motherland!" -- my sister. My sister's fiance recently visited Prague. He returned and told my sister that everyone in the Czech Republic looks like they are related to my sister and me. It makes sense - we are half Czech. Our high set cheek bones and oddly parted hair coupled with the fact that we eat kolatches and dance in circles at weddings pretty much seals the deal, I think. So it's fitting that lately I've been hanging out a lot with a certain Czech boy. (He's 1/4 Czech, but who's counting?) This has excited my sister and my mother. When I mentioned his name, my mom immediately said, "That sounds Czech! Is he Czech? How much Czech has he got in him?" Needless to say, I am doing my research on my heritage now, and using the phrase "from the motherland", and making puns like "Czech me out."

Here Comes The Sun

Some very exciting things are happening. Hopefully there will be more to this story.

Coffee

There are specific times of day when I desire to drink coffee: early in the morning, mid-morning, or very late at night. Sometimes I like to enjoy a cup o' joe after a nice dinner, but a nice dinner is so rarely consumed by me these days (for those just tuning in: I am poor). I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that most Kansas City coffee shops/houses close in the mid-to-late evening. One More Cup closes at 7:30pm. Broadway Cafe closes at 9. Westport Coffee House stays open until 11 on weekdays and midnight on the weekends. If I want to get a cup of coffee and stay up late, I have to go downtown to YJ's, and that's only open 24 hours on the weekends. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT KANSAS CITY? Bars are open until 3am! THREE AM! Every night of the week! There's an entire 16+ crowd just longing for a place to go and "hang out" for a while. Now, I'm no business major, and I've heard that the "after 8" crowd is mostly hanging out instead of buying coffee...but, I mean, that's a really lame, only-in-it-for-the-money, selfish, capitalist excuse to close the doors so early. I'm of the opinion that a coffee house/shop provides more than just coffee to its customers. It provides a communal place of meeting. A gathering place. Where are the comfortable couches, board/card games, bookshelves? Where are the rugs? The movie nights? The live music? I'm so sad that Crave on 39th closed its doors. That was a COFFEE HOUSE. An actual house that was turned into a coffee shop. Plenty of rooms for hanging around. Couches. Movie nights. Book club meetings. Live music. Tables. Deck area. I just want a place I can go hang out that's not my own living room, and that's not a bar. I need a place I can comfortably curl up with a good book and read all day. I want to be able to go out to coffee at 9:30pm and stay for hours and hours talking about philosophy and films and theater. I know I am not the only one who's looking for a place like that in Kansas City. My friends come from smaller cities like Wichita and Omaha and I can't even get them a cup of coffee if it's 11 o'clock at night in the weekday, unless it's from QT. How can we remedy this situation? If it comes down to it, I guess I'll just have to open one up myself.

Part-time Job, Dog Medication, Keys

I got the job at WCH. Yay. I am now doubly-employed. It seems that I spend an awful lot of time having two jobs --- or two things that count as jobs. I wonder if it will always be that way. My guess is YES, because of Holy Cow! and volunteering. I thought, for some reason, that graduating from college would mean that I would have MORE free time. Boy, was I wrong! My M-F days consist of working 40 hrs/week for the man. And now on Tuesdays and Saturdays I will work a couple shifts as a barista in Westport. Not to mention improv stuff that is always happening, and volunteering which needs to happen more (I'm sorry I failed you this weekend, SNKC, I will make it up somehow.) Of course, I like to say "I'm so busy" but there are definitely plenty of times where I'm sitting around and doing nothing. Hence, my unswept floors and growing pile of dirty laundry. NEW TOPIC: DOG MEDS Dogs are expensive animals to keep. And I am very poor. I had Max on Banfield's "Pet Wellness Plan" which was 17 bucks a month plus anytime we went in for a checkup I had to pay for tests/meds and all that other crap for which they charge you. So I got super poor and cancelled the wellness plan in April - and I scheduled Max to see a local vet thinking it was going to be less expensive for a check up. NOPE. 150 bucks! Are you kidding me? So I'm getting the meds he needs through 1-800-PetMeds.com and they are cheap but they have to verify his prescription through a doctor. I don't know why. What else do people buy canine heartworm preventative medication for? Meth? Probably. Anyway, my plan was to do his yearly vaccinations through Spay and Neuter Kansas City (SNKC) because it's only $10/shot. And if he's getting all his shots through them, I'm not sure if I need to take him to a "regular" vet or not. It's just so expensive. And I am just so poor. Did I mention how poor I am? NEW TOPIC: MY KEYS Where are they?

Cuppa Coffee, Cuppa Tea, Cuppa Water (that one's free)

I need a second job because I am very poor. So I applied at the Westport Coffee House to be a barista. I have an interview tomorrow.

Mother

If I had to think of one word to describe my mother, it would be "supportive". No matter what I'm going through, I can call up my mom and she will be there to listen. While we may not always agree on the best course of action in any particular situation, I know my mother loves me no matter the outcome, and I'm so thankful for that.

My mom is very non-confrontational. You might even say that she does her best to avoid disagreeable situations. She is far too nice to yell at anyone, and she's not the greatest at sticking up for herself. But when it comes time to make up after a confrontation, my mom is the most forgiving person I have ever met. She follows her heart and does not hold grudges.

My mom is a very creative and funny person. She is a joy to be around because she's usually laughing and telling funny stories. She makes great craft projects, and keeps herself busy with little projects around the house or in the community. Sometimes she starts something and never finishes it, or loses interest before the project gets completed... so we have a closet full of un-scrapbooked photos that may or may not end up in scrapbooks one day. But all of it just "stuff". Memories are memories whether they are in a scrapbook or not.

My mom is strong and determined. She (usually) sticks to her diet, even when my dad makes deliciously unhealthy dishes for himself (with REAL butter and whole milk). When I was a child, my traditional views of "mom" and "dad" were a bit skewed. Dad worked from home, and Mom left for work. Dad cooked meals, and Mom did the yard work. Seeing my mom do things that "fathers" traditionally do gave me a a sense of female empowerment. Thanks to my mother, I know I can do anything at all, despite being a woman, or maybe because of it.

My mom is quite old fashioned! I often wish she were a bit open minded on certain issues. She tries her best to not judge others, however, and I know she just wants what is best for everyone. Sometimes my mom's idea of "what's best" and mine are completely different, though, and this can lead to fighting --- that thing that my mom is not very good at doing. :)

All in all, I am blessed with an awesome, loving, supportive mother. She is good and kind, and I wouldn't trade her for anybody or anything.

I am sad. Ever since I graduated college, I've been in a transition period. I went from having a plan to having no plan. I went from being in a long-term relationship to being single. I went from living with others to living by myself. I'm lonely. Friends and family are wonderful, but I long so much to be loved in that special way that I see happening to everyone around me. It seems that any girl who stands in a certain radius of me ends up getting engaged. I am so happy for them, but it's hard to be the only one who is not getting married. Not even close to getting married. I know that's ridiculous. I know I'm not the only one. I know I'm young. Blah blah blah. I know all that. The point is it FEELS like I'm the only one. And that's a sucky feeling. It's hard to break away from my conservative upbringing. Hard not to think that I somehow "brought this upon myself" or that I'm being punished for something. I know I'm not perfect. I've done some really terrible things to the people I love most in the world. But I'm trying to be a good person. I'm trying to send love out in the world. I'm trying to do my part in making the world a better place. But I've always struggled with low self-esteem and this overwhelming feeling that I'm just not good enough. "...and so I'm starting to think that this maybe might work and the second it entered my head..." --the last five years I often wonder, "What am I doing wrong?" I feel like a loser. I know everyone goes through rejections. I've learned how to accept professional rejections. Not getting cast in a play sucks. But it doesn't totally break me down. Directing a few shows has helped me see that casting directors are looking for someone to fit the role, and if I don't fit right, it's not (always) because my acting ability isn't there, it could be any number of things: my height, my voice, my facial structure. It could also be that I suck at acting, but I'd like to think I'm pretty good at that. :) And sure, it sucks that Holy Cow! didn't get chosen as participants in the Kansas City Improv Festival. I'm disappointed, but also have a renewed goal. I know we have fans, I know Rockhurst students love to come see our shows, and I know that we are a talented group of improv-ers. And there is always room to grow and learn more and work on things. But when it comes to personal rejections, I do not do so well. How can you not take a personal rejection personally? How can my heart not be completely broken after three years? My life is so intertwined with his... this is totally the suck. :( I need a hug.

Leash Advocate

I like letting my dog run free just as much as the next person, but when I'm in a public place, I follow the leash laws. My dog was attacked this weekend by an unleashed pit bull on the plaza in Kansas City. I could not get the dog to let go of Max! After the most intense thirty seconds of my life, someone in the park came up and punched the pit bull off of Max. I believe that dog would have killed Max if something would not have happened. Max came out of it just fine, but next time he might not be so lucky! Leash your dogs! It's for their own safety, and the safety of everyone else in the park!

Alone again. Naturally.

Personal Response to Tax Day 'Tea Parties' or Things I Know

Facebook has become, among other things, a political soapbox. Maybe I should be more broad and say the Internet itself has become a political soapbox. With access to thousands of people at the tip of our fingers, we can say whatever we want to whoever we want without having to look them in the face. I realize I'm doing the same thing by responding here, on the Internet, but as I can't travel to each and every Tax Day Tea Party, this is, it seems, my only option. First and foremost, I am confused by these Tea Parties. Why now? Why, when we are drowning in an economic crisis, is it the time to decide that the United States Government needs to change its spending policies? It seems a little late in the game. We are in a recession and the economy sucks, and I don't have any facts or figures to prove that besides my own personal bank account and debt (credit card, personal, and student loans). It's so easy to spend all this time pointing fingers and blaming this person and that person or this government policy or that government policy, isn't it? I know that it makes me feel good to say, "This is not my fault! This is your fault! I didn't cause this; I don't want to pay for it!" I've always been taught to "write what you know" - so here's what I know: No one wants to pay more taxes, obviously. That is such a moot point that I feel pretty simple for bringing it up. I don't want to pay more taxes, and neither do you. And as of my last few paychecks, my taxes have gone down, just like President Obama said they would. I know that, too. I'm not going to pretend that I know a bunch of facts about the economy. I don't. The truth is, I didn't really start getting into politics until the beginning of President George W. Bush's 2nd term, and I'm still figuring out what role I think the government should be playing in the lives of citizens. I don't know anything about the stock market. I don't understand how the value of a stock can change depending on the "market". I don't own stock, so I am not an investor. I do know that none of it is real. I work at a bank, and the amount of actual cash versus the amount of money individuals and businesses have in their bank accounts does not match up. That's why if everyone went to the bank and withdrew all their money, the majority of people would get screwed (1929 anyone?). An enormous portion of wealth in the world is purely numbers on a piece of paper. That scares me. I also don't know very much about credit. It bothers me that the system we use requires us to go into debt to do any of the following (unless you are independently wealthy, which I am not): go to college, buy a car, and buy a house. I'm a fan of simple living - and there are definitely alternatives to owning a house or car. For example, you can rent (like I do) and use a bike or public transportation or walk from place to place (which I don't - I drive a used car that my parents bought me). There are no alternatives to higher education, however. I went to a community college on a full-ride scholarship, but to continue my degree I had to take out student loans. It didn't matter if I was going to go to a state school or private school. I went to a private school for two years after community college and made it out with relatively low student loan debt (under $20,000). But it is debt just the same. And $20,000 might as well be a million when you don't have money. I've been supporting myself for almost a year. I pay my rent and monthly bills in full. I also pay for my tags and insurance on my car, and general vehicle maintenance. I'm lucky to have a supportive family, and when things get bad, I know I won't have to go out on the street. I also know people who don't have family to lean on in times of crisis, and I can't imagine how worried they must be when times get really tough. And times are really tough. I know that. I also know that in the last year, I had to cancel two of my credit cards due to outrageous increases in the monthly interest rates (in one case, they wanted to raise it to 25%). If I didn't carry a balance on those cards, it would be no big deal. But I do carry a balance, and if those minimum monthly payments increase, then I have to pay more in order to pay more than the minimum (there I go again - pointing out the obvious) and that means less money for other things - like groceries, vehicle maintenance, house maintenance, and monthly bills. I have been paying back my student loans, and I recently applied for a temporary deferment of those payments so I can pay down my credit card debt and build up some savings. It will help immensely just to have that little extra "wiggle room" a month. I've cut here and there in order to make it, and I know that by cutting my spending at certain businesses, it's hurting them. My lack of spending at businesses causes less money for workers, which causes layoffs, which causes more tightening of the belts, which causes more layoffs. It seems like such a hopeless downward spiral. Luckily, I still have a job with a steady income. How long before my job gets shipped over to India like so many jobs? Who knows? Companies can't afford to pay American workers because of our lousy economy - so they outsource our jobs to people who will work for less. Isn't that sad? It makes me angry. If there's no regulation on that sort of thing, then there's no job security. Who is big enough to regulate enormous corporations? It has to be the government. I know the government is supposed to be for the people, of the people, and by the people. I don't want a wealthy few deciding what the laws of the land should be. I don't want to be taken advantage of, and I don't want to see any of my fellow Americans fall by the wayside. Of course, there are going to be those who take advantage of the system and use it inappropriately. But there are thousands of people out there (like me) who need help. Hiring freezes, salary cuts, and increases in the cost of living are going to and already are tearing this country apart. I've been to the Tea Party websites, and I'm seeing a lot of right-wing propoganda. A lot of people comparing President Barack Obama to President Jimmy Carter. Lots of name-calling (it's really trendy to be calling President Obama a socialist, apparently). The site gives "solutions" for job security in America, including a decreased corporate tax, backing it up by saying that "small businesses are responsible for the overwhelming majority of jobs created in America. A reduction in the corporate tax rate would allow them to keep more of their money and hire more employees. " When I think of small business, I don't think of "corporations" like the one for which I work. The bank I work for is NOT a small business, but it does provide thousands upon thousands upon thousands of jobs for Americans (jobs that are slowly but surely being moved over to India). Enormous companies make their money off of people who are poor. My paycheck comes from account fees - maintenance, overdraft, non-sufficient funds, etcetera. Rich people do not overdraft, and usually if you have over a certain amount in your account, it is free. So it is the poorer people who are paying these fees, and giving profit to the corporation, and that corporation is sending the jobs away. Isn't that frustrating? Why would you want to give a tax break to companies who do this? Give a tax break to companies who DON'T outsource. Like I said before, I don't know much about politics, but it seems to me that people who fall on the more conservative side of the political scale are for less government and more business. But if the government is too small to regulate big business, then the big businesses become the ones who are in charge. Large, faceless corporations that care more about numbers on a page than people in a company really scare me. When we start thinking about Americans in terms of dollars instead of human beings, things start to become really horrifying. Money does not equal human value. The poor just seem to get poorer as the rich get richer. How can we stop this trend? I don't know. I'm not the President and I don't work in the government. I voted for Barack Obama, and I'm trusting him until he gives me a reason not to. I lived through the Bush Administration and the billions of dollars spent on the Iraq War, the "war on drugs" the "war on terror", No Child Left Behind (which gives standardized test scores a higher priority than actual learning). Where were these "fiscally responsible" protestors then? And what are the alternatives? It surely can't be that this economic crisis happened the moment President Obama took office. It sure does seem like a lot of finger pointing... Earlier I said I was taught to write what you know. So here it is: I know that people are more important than money. I know that all Americans deserve equal rights. I know that politics and religion should remain separate. I know that I am better off than a lot of people. I know there are a lot of people better off than me. I know that I want to see a change in ethics in corporate America and the US Government. I know that my opinion is war should be a last resort. I know that we reside on a living organism, not a rock, and we should care for that organism if we want to survive as a species. I know that what I value and what you value are different, and that's okay. I know that the right to free speech and the right to protest the government are both good things. And I know that I am not alone.

Holy Cow!

Holy Cow! now has a website. It's all very basic until we can get things going - but you can find show and booking information there! Be sure to check it out! http://www.holycowimprov.com

Mulch!

About a month ago, I started thinking about spring and gardening. I have a fenced backyard for my dog, and the yard is split up into thirds. The first third is the patio area, the second third is the big tree, and the third third is the grass. My landlord mulched the tree area because the dogs run around it a lot making it hard for grass to grow. Sometimes she brings over bags of mulch, but I thought I would save her the trouble (and the money) by finding some free mulch in KC. After some Googling, I found that Kansas City Power & Light offers a service for free mulch. They just dump it in your driveway and you get to shovel it into your backyard. I'm thinking, "Cool! This will be fun! Free mulch AND a little work outside. No big deal." I faxed them the order form and kind of forgot about it. Fast forward a month... Little did I know I would be receiving a DUMPTRUCK FULL OF MULCH. A big ol' steaming pile of mulch. There's enough mulch to not only fill the tree area, but the grass area as well. It was a crazy amount of mulch! Thank God for friendly neighbors. It took four of us two hours just to shovel it all over my fence, and it still needs to be spread out a bit more. But two days after we shoveled it all over the fence, it snowed, so I must wait to spread it out like I want... But hey, free mulch!

Saturday

Saturday was a beautiful day in Kansas City. It was 74 degrees in the middle of February, so we took advantage of it. We spent the day at Loose Park. We grilled. We ate (a lot!). We flew kites. We juggled sticks. We petted dogs. We played with children. Then I walked Max for 3 miles with Kara and Jak! My legs are still sore. We visited Tim at The Better Cheddar. We sampled wine and cheese. Mmm....cheeeeese. We ended the day playing RockBand and I got 100% on the drums (on HARD btw) playing "Wind Up" by The Foo Fighters. All in all, a great day.

Daydream Believer

The memory of that day is so vivid. Our huge winter coats protected us from the falling snow. The evening was fading into twilight. Our faces were red with cold. We wrestled and flirted and made snow angels. You tackled me in a full bear hug, hoisted me into the air, and spun me around until we both fell down in the snow. You pulled me into you and kissed me, and we both knew that it was true love. I live in this memory so often. Sometimes over and over and over again.

Engagements

After high school, a few of my friends and acquaintances got married. Sarah and Nathan Jenny and Tyler Kyran and Ashley Jason and Megan Michelle and Ben Then, during college a few got married. Katie and Tyler Angie and Casey And now, after college, so many of my friends have gotten married. Christian and Kara Kassi and ...what's his name Mallory and Rob Mike and Kate Jim and Maegan Jeanette and Nick Pat and Laura Dan and Molly And so many more are PLANNING on getting married. Brenna and Aaron Colby and Cara Brian and what's her face Brian and what's her face 2 Bryan and Laura Michelle and Josh Stephanie and ...Sean? Nick and Sarah It's weird to think that ten years ago we used to sit around and wonder who was going to get married first. I never thought I'd be first. But I never thought I'd be last, either.

Stuck

I know I want to go to graduate school, but I don't know what to study. I've always been interested in English and writing, and I'm pretty good at it. That's what my undergrad degree is in, after all. The problem is I don't know what I want to do. Actually, that's not true. I want to do lots of things. Possible careers I've bounced around in my head include:

• children's book author
• University professor
• copyeditor for a newspaper/magazine/publishing company
• Publicist
• Literary Agent
• Editor for a publishing company/newspaper/magazine

... I'm also interested in domestic animal shelters (Humane Society, etc)... I tend to get overwhelmed when I look at application processes for grad programs. I know I have the talent, I know I can do it. I don't know what my problem is or why I can't just pony up, study for and ace the GRE and go to grad school. I suppose it's a mix of fear of the unknown and an inkling that I'm not as good as I think I am. This is frustrating, and I often wish I had a fairy godmother to guide me and tell me what to do.

I Guess This Is Growing Up

I am a crier. When I was a little girl, I would cry about everything! I would cry when I got in trouble at school or home. I remember getting so nervous if someone said, "Can I talk to you for a second?" because I would immediately think, I'm in trouble. A few years ago I was working with MF down in C'ville over the summer. We were co-directing a children's summer theater camp, and I was in charge of the older kids, and he took the babies. I remember two of the younger boys in my group were acting up backstage, playing with something they shouldn't've been and being boys. I had to get them to stop so I pulled them back into the dressing rooms so I could calm them down. Before I could get, "Ok, what's going on?" out of my mouth, one of the little guys burst into tears! I saw so much of myself in him. Seeing it from the other side really made a difference. I wasn't going to yell at him, I was just going to teach him how to act properly backstage. It broke my heart to see him sob like that. I knew exactly how he was feeling. That experience helped me - but I still notice myself getting bleary-eyed and flushed when I'm receiving criticism. In acting, it's no big deal. For some reason I don't take it personally with acting or improv. But I think that's because "performance Cindy" is receiving the criticism. The other side of me (a side that is rarely seen by others) is a very sensitive side. I'm embarassed that I still act that way - it's so childish! I get all blubbery at the first sign of failure in my personal life. Why can't I just stand up and take it? I'm not very good at dealing with confrontations. I remember the first time I ever got really upset in public in college. CCC took a trip to Topeka to see BatBoy: The Musical and Fred Phelps' church was out protesting. I bawled like a baby. I was so angry and upset that they were there, holding their horrible signs with huge smiles on their faces. I was outraged! The other theater kids probably thought I lost my mind! I don't like showing that side of me because it makes me feel weak and vulnerable. I've always been independent. I want to be the best, and I don't want help. I just want to be instantly good at things, which I know is unrealistic. Anyway, I just wish I knew how to get this bleary-eyed flush-face under control when I'm receiving criticism, especially at work.

History

I just watched as Barack Hussein Obama took the Oath of Office of the President of the United States. Here's to four years of peace and prosperity for all peoples of the earth. "To Lincoln - and now to Obama - this is not only a lofty dream or sweet poetry to soothe the soul by wrapping it in high aspiration. It was and is the attainable goal of flesh-and-blood humans who would have to find ways to provide fairly rewarded work, education, health care, security in our invalid or older years, and - most of all - equality of opportunity and the right to be treated with dignity. " -- Mario M. Cuomo, governor of New York from 1983-1995

Colby's Getting Married

My high school boyfriend just got engaged, and it's taken a toll on me somehow. I don't know why - maybe it's the finality of it all. Permanent proof that we weren't right for each other. I was wrong, and that's something with which I have a hard time dealing. I was so sure that we were going to get married and be high school sweethearts. How could I have been so sure about something and have it turn out to be wrong? The fact that everyone changes over time really screws a lot of people over, I think. I sit here today very glad I am not the one marrying CT, because I'm such a different person than I was five years ago. Eighteen-year-old Cindy was very much in love with CT, very sure about her thoughts on God and the protestant church (or any church for that matter), absolutely sure of her opinions on sex, drugs, and rock & roll and people who took part in such activities, more confused about government and politics, and less informed overall about everything. Twenty-three year old Cindy is less sure about God and the church, more sure of her thoughts on sex, drugs, and rock & roll and people who partake in such activities, more sure about government and politics, and more informed about everything but less certain (if that makes any sense). I know I'm going to change, and in five years I'll probably be a completely different person than I am today. But I can't live my life anticipating that I'll change my mind about something. I can't live in the future, and I can't live in the past. I need to learn to embrace who I am right now, knowing that I'll probably change but not letting it control me. That sounded more corny than I wanted, but I don't know how else to say it. Love is so...unstable sometimes. Or maybe all the time. My fairytale ideas of love are starting to fade, and when all of what I think love is or should be starts to change, then what? The thing that hasn't changed is how much it hurts to have my heart broken. No matter how many times I'm left standing there:

• as he drives away with his mom from my birthday party
• as he talks about how it's just not working and we should go our separate ways
• as he tells me he feels nothing for me anymore while he packs up my truck and says he still wants to be friends

it still hurts.

Dream Sequence, A True Story

SHE was sleeping in Sunday morning. Her dreams drifted from dating Michael Jordan to flying over a grassy hill. "Why Michael Jordan?" she wondered, knowing she was asleep and dreaming but still experiencing the journey of her imagination. She had never really been a basketball fan (or subsequently a follower of television baseball and golf). HE was sleeping next to her, dreaming of leaving a building and entering a parking garage. He sensed danger, and spotted the mugger. He quickly put his keys inbetween his fingers and wound back. He punched the mugger just as he was waking up. SHE decided to go in for a kiss with Michael Jordan. "Why not? It's a dream, let's have some fun with it," she thought in her asleep yet conscious state. She leaned in. Michael leaned in. POW! He punched her right in the nose. What a way to wake up!

"On Thunderdome" or "I Take Improv Way Too Seriously"

Holy Cow! competed in Improv Thunderdome last night and so many things were going on that it's hard to wrap my brain around exactly what went down. First of all, Holy Cow! is a short-form improv comedy troupe, and Thunderdome participants thus far have all been long-form groups. The forums at City3.org would be a good place to find out exactly what kind of people we were up against. There was a group called Scriptease and a group called Kill the DJ. Scriptease had 3 guys and Kill the DJ had 4 guys. My troupe had 8 people (4 guys, 4 girls). Go figure. Improv comedy is dominated by guys, even though the most talked about improv personality in Kansas City media is Trish Berrong. Kill the DJ won (by audience vote) and the running bit they used was a guy pretending to be a girl by talking in a high voice and using his fists under his shirt as boobs. It was funny, but they wouldn't let it die (which, you could argue, is funny in some ways). The guys from Scriptease disappointed me. I saw them once before in the Kansas City Improv Festival. I was talking to one of their members before the show and he was saying things like, "We're all pretty tired tonight," and "I'm just not feeling it." I told him not to make excuses for his performance before he even went up there. He kind of blew me off, and then his team didn't win. Well, no surprise. It didn't even seem like he wanted to be there. Afterwards, I shook his hand and told him his group had some really good stuff happening up there, and he blew off my compliments, too! I wasn't trying to blow sunshine up his ass. I was mostly really bored during the performance. I'm not up-to-date on long-form improv lingo, but I'm trying to learn. I think they were doing something called a La Ronde and Living Room. Basically they get one suggestion from the audience for a theme, sit around and talk about it for a while to generate ideas, and then they stand up and play one of the ideas. I feel like they just threw away some of their best ideas and went with some poor choices. There was a major lack of energy, too, which was passed onto the audience and encouraged through the format. After they played out an idea, they sat back down again and generated more ideas. I'm not sure why they had to sit back down again. It seemed that they could keep going using new ideas generated through the scene. I'm interested to see Scriptease try a different format. The guys from Kill the DJ did all right, but as I mentioned before, the bit with the secretary boobs character got really old. I'm very new to the improv scene in Kansas City (outside of Holy Cow!) but it doesn't take much to realize that these groups are NOT into short-form and they have a "we're-too-good-to-do-that-cutesy-stuff" attitude. Their arguments are that long-form allows for more scene work (well, duh, you have more time) and more character work. And it's "not about being funny" and "it's more of a risk" and there's "no gimmicks, no games, just straight-up improv". Well, I'm sorry, but secretary boobs was a gimmick. It's just known that if a guy pretends to be a girl it's going to be funny. And it was. But there wasn't really any depth to the character, and the player doing the character was visibly tired of it and wanted a chance to try something new, but his teammates wouldn't let it "die". Literally, the player begged to be killed. On the other hand, when we played a group game at the end (FreezeTag but I know it as Switch) he brought back his boobs secretary character and it was hilarious. It's too bad the ultimate payoff happened in the group game instead of their set, but if you look at the entire night as one big show, it was a successful move. We were the last to perform and I was told we were going to have 25-30 minutes but we absolutely would be cut at thirty. I set my alarm on my phone to go off at 25 minutes and I did that exactly as we were being introduced. With short form, time is everything, and I specifically planned a show to go about 25-30 minutes. The lights went down on us at 23 minutes, and we had to cut our last game. My alarm hadn't even gone off yet, and I never saw the signal from the man in the booth. I was disappointed because we didn't get to finish strong. We did good, but it definitely wasn't our best performance. Gibberish murder sucked. The audience suggestions were way too easy (Library, Hypnotherapist, Sausage) and I wish I would have led the audience to give us something more complicated by saying something like, "I need a location, somewhere humans can't physically go," or something. It wasn't impressive that we were able to get "Library". Bum on the street can act out "Library". And our gibberish turned into sound effects, which were already being done by the guy in the soundbooth, which is something I'm not used to. A lot of these people performed with ComedySportz or ComedyCity and they are used to the sound effects being provided over the mic by the guy in the booth. I appreciated it and if we get a chance to do this again, I'll know that I don't have to provide sound. We were the only group to really involve the audience, and I think the audience was kind of weirded out. I had to basically beg two volunteers to come up and do Movable Bodies. It was bizarre. I could have done so much better as an MC as well. We did styles and thank GOD I said, "Give me a fairytale, something like Cinderella" or I KNOW we would've gotten Cinderella. But the styles we got were "Western" (I should've asked for something else -- it's SO overdone) and "Opera" (also overdone but at least it wasn't musical) and Horror (overdone but we were saved by soundbooth guy Clay because he added lighting effects for us which totally added something extra to the scene that we don't get with our shows at Rockhurst). At the afterparty at McCoy's, people were able to mill about and get to know each other. I got a lot of "Your show was really fun" which translated to "That was really cute. Nice try," but maybe I'm too critical. I said things like, "Your format was really interesting." "Interesting" and "fun" are so non-specific that they really mean something else, if you know was I'm saying. This is not to say that I wasn't having a great time talking to people. We even booked a show with the guys from Scriptease in March. These improv people are definitely people I want to get to know better! I want to get into their brains and talk theory and critique and I want to be a part of the group that makes Kansas City stand out for excellent improv. I'm tired of people running off to Chicago to learn "true improv". We've got tremendous talent right here in KC! I'm up against an ocean of long-form (which I appreciate and love!) but I feel that short-form is just thrown out all together as a respected form of improv. I don't know if I have to scream from the top of Bartle Hall that I'm NOT imitating "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" and I have been properly trained how to play the games. I guess the proof will come with more performances. I'm excited that Holy Cow! has been thrown in to shake things up a bit. It's going to be an awesome year for improv in Kansas City. Are you ready?

new year's resolutions

#3 Stop biting my fingernails.

new year's resolutions

#2 Learn a new skill.

new year's resolutions

#1 Write something every day.